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Recently I had the opportunity to be interviewed by Mark Taylor of the Education on Fire podcast network for his Learning on Fire podcast. One of the questions he asked me was in regard to advice I would give to my younger self.

I gave a concise answer on his show but his question got my mind going and before I knew it I was opening a word document to capture all the things I wish I knew, and understood, and lived when I was younger.

What stood out for me, and I shared this on the Learning on Fire podcast, is that this is the same advice I would give myself today because these are things I know but need to be reminded of because I can fall back into my old patterns.

The mind has a negativity bias. To rewire the brain we have to consciously put our ah-ha moments into practice and set reminders.

I’m sharing these with you just in case you want or need reminding as well.

Here’s what I would say to you and my younger self…

Let go of the beliefs you have about yourself that don’t serve you. Embrace the beliefs that strengthen you and motivate you to go after what you want.

I had so many beliefs about myself that kept me from speaking up; setting boundaries, taking proper care of myself…you name it.

I get that it’s hard to see there is a belief that is causing you to act in a way that is not serving you but what you can recognize is how you feel. When I use the word “feel” I’m referring to physical sensations as well as emotions.

Our bodies are tremendous communication devices and your body is constantly talking to you; and it’s messages range from letting you know you made a good choice to letting you know to never do that again.

Regularly be still so you can sit with the physical sensations and the emotions that arise from your body.

If you are not experiencing peace, joy, and love something is missing or you are looking at things incorrectly.

Really get to know yourself so you can make choices that will bring you more frequently into the experience of love, joy, and peace.

Don’t waste time trying to please everyone and make sure everyone is happy and unbothered.

Trying to please everyone usually makes a mess of things because no one thing makes everyone happy. In your efforts to please those who are or would be unhappy you’re going to upset others.

Your job is to do your best and make the best decisions for you and those you are responsible to. Some people are going to be disappointed, and you want to hear people out, but someone being disappointed is not necessarily an indication that you made a bad decision. Often their disappointment only has to do with them and that’s their stuff to deal with.

Also, trying to please everyone will attract people to you who will appreciate you for what you do for them and not for who you are.

You are the only one responsible for your happiness.

If you become unhappy by what someone else says or does recognize that you burdened them with the responsibility for your happiness.

Do the things that make you happy.

Resolve or remove the things that make you unhappy.

This sounds selfish but often times what makes you happy is providing opportunities for others to find happiness. Just don’t expect that they become happy because you are providing this opportunity. If you do you will be burdening them with the responsibility for your happiness.

If providing opportunities for happiness makes you happy, do so and let go of the outcome. They’ll be happy or not but you’ll be happy for doing what makes you happy.

This leads to the next logical idea on happiness. Your happiness does not come from the outcome or result. It comes from the action.

Living in alignment with who you are will make you happy and you can choose to be happy with the result or not. Rarely are we in control of all of the ultimate results so why bank your happiness on that.

Also, know that other people want to see you happy. It makes them happy to see you happy. Find your own happiness for them.

There is nothing you need to do to receive love. You are lovable just the way you are.

This is one of my new favorite quotes.

“When I walk into a room, I know that everyone in it loves me. I just don’t expect them to realize it yet.” ~ Byron Katie

You are lovable just the way you are. Some people aren’t capable of seeing it yet. That doesn’t make you any less lovable.

Again, it has more to do with them and their state of mind than it has to do with your ability to be loved.

Give people opportunities to love you.

How people interact with you says more about them than it does about you.

This I originally got from the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The particular agreement this refers back to is take nothing personally.

Have compassion for those who dismiss, disrespect, or mistreat you. They are in pain.

There are those who withhold information or manipulate to get what they want. They don’t believe they can openly ask for what they want and receive it. They live with lack and sadness.

They don’t need your judgment or anger. They lash out at themselves.

Leave them in peace and know that what they do has nothing to do with you!

Nurture your relationship with God because it is the relationship you have with yourself.

There are many versions of God out in the world. Depending on who you believe God ranges from being judgmental and angry, to an impartial judge, to being an unconditionally loving parent.

You don’t have to believe any of that. In fact, I encourage you not to believe any image of God you find out in the world. You don’t find God there.

To find God you have to go inward.

I encourage you to talk to God and listen. Really listen.

In these conversations you’ll discover what God really is and what you really are.

You’ll find they are one in the same.

And when you’re able to see God within yourself you’ll see God in everyone else as well.

The truth will, in fact, set you free. Tell the truth, always.

It’s not worth it to tell lies or withhold the truth.

It’s not to say you have to be hurtful. You can be honest and kind at the same time.

In fact, as Brené Brown wrote in her book Dare to Lead, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”

Don’t stay stuck in “I don’t know what I think” or “I don’t know how I feel about this or why I feel this way.” Those statements are indications that you are resisting the truth.

Get clear with yourself about what is true and then clearly communicate it.

I often here my clients say something along the lines of, “I want to tell [this person][X,Y, Z] but I don’t know how to say it to them.”

I reply, “Say it to them the way you just said it to me.”

You think you have to couch and soften the truth but if you are being honest and coming from a place of good intentions for yourself and the other person you can’t do it wrong.

Hiding the truth and telling lies is so detrimental to your own self-worth and well-being it’s not worth entertaining.

Tell the truth. Always.

Lastly…

You don’t need to do more to achieve your goals and be more successful, you need to do less.

It’s about changing your mindset around “work” so that instead of taking massive action that produces a few results you are taking key actions effectively to produce greater results.

For instance, would you rather make 100 cold calls to set up two meeting with prospective clients or would you like to have an enjoyable coffee date with two connectors in your network who could introduce you to four prospective clients.

Making 100 cold calls will certainly yield you some results but you’re going to burn a lot of time and energy to yield those results.

This example applies across the board in your life: in many areas of your work, health, finances, relationships – you name it!

You think you need to work really hard to get what you want. It’s not true.

This is precisely what my Accomplished Coaching System is based on.

The process I take you through, starting with the Energy Leadership Assessment, gives you the awareness to identify all the areas where you are working too hard with little result. You then have the ability to make changes, internally and externally, to free up your time and energy all while gaining greater results.

It is why I am so in love with the work that I do.

If you’d like to get to know yourself better and find out where and why you are working so hard with little effort go to womentakingthelead.com/assessment/ to get started.

There is tons more I’d love to chat with you and my younger self about but I’m going to leave it here for now.

I hope this was of value to you and here’s to your success!

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