Are You a Battle Weary Warrior?
In my work of helping leaders to obtain all of their goals, I have a lot of conversations around mental attitude. It’s our perception of ourselves, others and the world that shapes what we do and how we do it .
Now, we know if we want a different result we have to do something differently, but it’s not that simple. We have to do that “something differently” consistently and over time. Unless we truly believe it will render us a different result, not just conceptually but in our gut, we will not be able to maintain “something differently” for long. That’s why we make changes (do what “they” are doing), and if we don’t see immediate results, we revert back to our old patterns thinking “it didn’t work” or “it didn’t work for me.”
My clients and I explore the beliefs and attitudes they bring to the table that get in the way of their success and then explore new beliefs that give them a greater capacity for success.
Your mental attitude is everything!
The attitude I want to explore here is what I refer to as the Warrior Syndrome. It is the state of being primed and ready to defend yourself against anyone or anything that appears to get in your way, threaten your happiness or take what’s yours. You’re not a pushover and anyone better think twice before they mess with you and yours.
So let me ask you, how often do you note how calm and relaxed you are as you go about your day? Or is it more accurate to say you need to find opportunities to check out, unwind and calm yourself down?
Think of the language you use to describe your activities. Do you tackle, wrestle or struggle with a problem? Are you taking on the world? Are you in competition for your next big break?
Do you find yourself irritated with the things others do or say?
Do you feel like you are one of the few people who are “normal” and most everyone else seems to be at least a little bit off?
Do you connect better with people you can commiserate with?
Are you already feeling your blood pressure go up just reading this?
This could last for moments, hours, days, weeks or (cringe) years. If this has been going on for some time, you might want to get real honest here. Does conflict seem to find you, or did you at some point begin looking for it so it would not catch you off guard?
In this state you are more likely to take offense, be argumentative and see differences rather than similarities. People will pick up on your attitude and will not want to be around you.
It is unpleasant to be around people who are tense and prickly, and so they are usually avoided.
Needless to say, this is bad for career or business, or any relationship for that matter, and it is not the reputation you want to foster.
If any of it sounds familiar and has been happening recently, this is a great opportunity to break out of the cycle and choose something different.
The clients I work with who self-report conflicts at work, in family or friendships always report exhaustion and health issues as well. Even if you don’t have a disagreement or experience anything “going wrong”, the internal preparedness for any potential conflict releases the Fight or Flight hormones that, over time, will wear you down and compromise your immune system.
The prescription for releasing tension
What you focus on will shape your thoughts, and your thoughts are what turn Fight or Flight on and off. Focusing on what’s going right will improve your mood, restore your energy and motivate you to be in action.
Next, allow yourself to feel and express gratitude. Feeling gratitude has been shown to alleviate anxiety and depression, boost our immune system and our anti-aging hormones. Who in their right mind doesn’t want to be happier, healthier and more youthful?
Being on the defensive, even for short periods of time, diminishes your ability to connect with others, and therefore, your ability to inspire and lead. Most of our goals require agreement or participation from others in some capacity.
If you can adopt an attitude that inspires and motivates others, rather than put THEM on the defensive, you will be getting what you want more quickly and have more energy to boot!
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt
Do you have a method for getting off the defensive so you can be more effective? Share with us in the comments below!