Get What You Need From Your Relationships

We have a lot of power in how our relationships go.

We don’t want to admit it because it means if we are not getting what we want from our relationships, then we are the ones who have to do something about it, right?

We want to scream, “no way, José!”

Aren’t we working hard enough, holding up our end of the bargain while our needs have continued to go unmet? It’s exhausting. Do we really have to point out the obvious? What’s wrong with them?

Well, it’s not as hard at is appears.  In fact, the hardest part is to shut down the negative audio feedback loop going on in your head telling you that you cannot make a difference, other people are never going to change, and you’re better off just continuing to put up with the way things are (as you plot your escape route).

This could be a relationship from any part of your life.  It could be a relative, friend, co-worker or employee.

The strategy I am about to propose for getting what you want is based on the law of attraction.  Basically, what you put out comes back to you.

Now, before you hit delete deciding this concept is too hokey, I assure you this strategy has been tested, and it gets results!

Essentially, you are not only setting the intention to have things change, you are taking action – and that, my friend, is the combination required to make things happen. Read further.

What you want to do is think of a person in your life who you are disappointed, frustrated and annoyed with. We all have someone who doesn’t pass muster. So picture that person in your mind.

What is it that they do that bothers you? How does it make you feel? Okay, take a breath and let it go.

Now, what do you need from them to be getting your needs met? Is it a greater amount of consideration on their part? More frequent communication? Understanding in times that you are not at your best? Acknowledgement of your accomplishments and efforts? Acknowledgment of their mistakes?

Whatever it is make a list and then draw out the qualities that you want them to embody and make a list. So from the list here it would look like this:

1. Considerate
2. Communicative
3. Understanding
4. Acknowledging / Encouraging

Now, here is your mission (should you choose to accept it): embody each of these qualities for the person you have in mind. Yes, that’s right. Whenever you can find an opportunity, bring exactly what you want for yourself to the person who you feel is not giving it to you.

When your behavior changes in the relationship, their behavior must shift as well.

And you know what, people really do like to give back to those who make them feel good or who are meeting their needs. It’s likely the person in question needs the same things you need; you just can’t see it.

I have a client who recently used this exact strategy with her boss. It took a week of being supportive, encouraging, clear, consistent, and acknowledging but, sure enough, her boss started responding to her. Her boss acknowledged the good work she had done to make a process improvement and encouraged her to keep taking such initiative. Wah-lah.

The key is to keep embodying those qualities you want reciprocated, be consistent with it, and you will see a difference in how the other person is interacting with you.

Try it out and then comment below on how it goes. Also, let me know what strategies have worked for you when your goal was to improve a relationship.