How Much Truth Will Do?
Oftentimes in coaching sessions the conversation centers on truth telling. Either too much information has been divulged or not enough. So how much is too much? At what point is holding back the truth detrimental to your goals? In our third round of collaborative conversations Arthur Fink and I explored the area of divulging the truth.
What needs to be acknowledged is our culture conditions us to guard the truth. Generally we are taught to always present our best selves, to not rock the boat, to blend in, to keep up an illusion of success, happiness, normalcy…etc. We also live in a culture that doesn’t always want to hear the truth. We ask people how they are doing and feel caught off guard if the response deviates from “good” or “fine” or some other watered down response. However, to connect with others and to ensure our own needs are met we must overcome any hesitancy and speak up.
Another barrier to sharing our truth is a resistance to hear the truth. My previous experience was that there was no on scarier than the person who said exactly what was on their mind. By this I don’t mean the stream of consciousness you can get at times, but rather someone who calls it like they see it. I used to find myself feeling edgy around these individuals. I never knew what would come out of their mouths and hence, what I would be required to respond to. Straight talk requires straight talk in response. Even if you don’t want to be completely honest you know you’ll look foolish if you try to deliver anything less. A politically correct, watered-down response is blatantly obvious standing next to the truth. On the other end, when you are trying to share your own truth, there’s nothing more deflating than having someone brush aside what you’ve just shared and change the subject. In these circumstances it requires some courage and fortitude to stay the course and keep the conversation on track.
For some of us there has been a pattern of keeping our thoughts and feelings to ourselves that there is likely a fear if we open up just a little bit the floodgates will burst and we will spew the truth all over an innocent bystander. What if we lose control? What if we do irreparable damage? What will the neighbors think? It’s true, emotions, if repressed for long periods of time will likely come out in an explosion. However, this is exactly why the practice of sharing them needs to start. The best way to avoid an overreaction is to let those thoughts and feelings out a little at a time. Start with a trusted listener and be a little more honest than usual.
Stay aware and observe yourself for a day. How much truth are you telling?
